Before anything -Here are some BLOGS TO CHECK OUT:
I will blog about them later
This has been the craziest month. EVER.
I have to remind myself that in all of this craziness that I need to BREATHE.
The season of Lent is a great Gift of the Church reminding me to BREATHE. Breath and remember that I am a little daughter of the Father. A little daughter that doesn't really need to worry.... I don't really need to worry. I cling to the saints in these crazy days of my fast approaching graduation, my vocation discernment, and my discernment of what to do (where to go) next year.
"Everything is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our father's love—difficulties, contradictions, humiliations, all the soul's miseries, her burdens, her needs—everything, because through them, she learns humility, realizes her weakness. Everything is a grace because—everything is God's gift. Whatever be the character of life or its unexpected events—to the heart—that loves, all is well." - St. Thérèse of Lisieux
Let nothing disturb you;
Let nothing frighten you,
All things pass away.
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
He who has God,
finds he lacks nothing.
God alone suffices.
Let nothing frighten you,
All things pass away.
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
He who has God,
finds he lacks nothing.
God alone suffices.
- St. Teresa of Ávila
In this Season of Lent, this season of resting, reflection and breath I take a moment of silence and RESPIRATION to prepare for the RESURRECTION and shed the worry of things that I don't even need to worry about.
I started Spring Break by driving down from South Bend to Nashville Tennessee. I was NOT going to Nashville to drink in the County Music Hype. Nope. I was going to Nashville to BREATHE.
A convent is a GREAT place to breath. It really facilitates quiet, an internal quiet that is hard to achieve when swimming through a loud and chaotic life in the world.
The Nashville Dominicans host a retreat (Jesu Caritas retreat) for young women twice a year. It was GREAT. ( they aren't trying to make you sisters... so don't worry)
I LOVED the convent and the quiet and the sisters and the time for prayer. We prayed and attended talks and spent a LOT o' time in the beautiful chapel in their beautiful home!
We had so much of what I try to squeeze into my day all planned for us: we chanted the Divine Office with them, prayed all of their prayers, woke up early and went to bed early (my friend Caroline who also went on the retreat said that they keep my hours - I wake up around six and LOVE to go to bed between 9:30 and 10pm) we had recreation with the sisters and mass and spiritual reading and then we also had adoration and got to sit in the choir stalls to be closer to the Blessed Sacrament. It was GREAT.
We met in the oratory for all of our retreat talks.
The theme of the retreat was, "Little Daughters of the Father". It was just what I needed. I am a little child... the Priest giving the talks was AWESOME. Except, I think he really wished he had been doing a retreat for men because he kept telling us what he would say if he was doing a retreat for men...
He also Quoted a LOT of CHESTERTON which was SWEET! and He also referred a lot to The Skrewtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND TO EVERYONE!!
Father gave us so many good tools for living in the Father's LOVE, clues for the pitfall for falling out of his love, tools for remaining in his love...
He explained all of this while reminding us that we are little children of the Father.
He explained sin, reminding us that we are children and we can't do this on our own.
He explained worry and ambition reminding us that we are CHILDREN
and our attempts at building a perfect life here all alone like grown ups is a silly attempt when we can RUN HOME and Climb up on our Father's Lap!
This retreat was great but mostly it reminded me of a very simple truth.
I am my Father's Daughter and He LOVES ME!! So I should climb in his lap and relax and BREATHE!
It may sound like I am dying to be a Dominican but like Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati I feel quiet called to live in the World... though it is difficult. I am reading a book my Mother gave me called , "...And You Are Christ's" The Charism of Virgnity and the Celibate Life by Father Thomas Dubay, It is helpful. I recommend it to all young people. It clears up a lot of the roots of vocational discernment. For instance, we are not called by God to a mission but to a LIFE. I am not called to be a a Singer, a Social Worker, or a Theologian. I am called to Married or Celibate LIFE... which one I don't know right now.
I just have to stay on hold and wait for the CALL.
My occupation will fit and serve my vocation... I just have to figure out what my vocation is.
Here are the thoughts that float in my head about vocation:
Vocation is not Occupation - Msgr. Osborne SAID this ALL THE TIME
Vocation is what will make you happiest and holiest - my friend Chris a Dominican Aspirant
Marriage Ain't no cupcake either. Ted Martin a Seminarian Friend
Katherine you should be a Sister - Random People
Katherine Don't be a Sister - Other Random People
Katherine You would be a great mom! - a few random people
Woman are not called to be mothers they are called to be wives - My friend Chris Again
It is harder for women because they are naturally maternal - My friend Sean
I know I'm not called to marriage... God gently showed me that he had something for me... - Jeff -Holy TAC Student from my Parish
So While I contemplate these things... I'll BREATHE. I guess.
However, If I were to be perfectly honest I have no idea what my vocation is right now so I raise my hands and surrender ... but with my arms open I am confident that the Lord will fill them!
Though this part of my life is exceedingly difficult I hear this word whispered to me in prayer continually...
It is a word my parents have been whispering in my ear since a young child...
PATIENCE.
Patience. Yes, not my strong point. I do feel that my vocation is something that is not clear right now because EVERYTHING IS A GRACE and I need to grow in patience. For this I strive. As St. Catherine of Sienna ( a third order Dominican) said, Impatience is just Disobedience in Disguise. Yup. It's true... and so I pray for patience and acceptance and LOVE above all else...
So I will pray for patience and BREATHE and pray for more breath when I forgot that I am a little daughter of God... I will pray.
After the Retreat we went to St. Louis where my friend Caroline lives. I spent the night at her house and checked out the Washington University Program for Social Work. It was good... but I don't think that I am going to do it. I also went to visit my my Grandmother and Aunt in Chicago ... and I ATE INDIAN FOOD ( my FAVORITE!!) then I finally finally came HOME, which is my TRUE FAVORITE! : )
By the Grace of God I was accepted to all of the graduate schools I applied to: Washington University, Columbia, NYU, and the University of Michigan.
I feel this is a blessing and an opportunity for growth that I had not anticipated. You see, having so many options forces me to realize how BLIND I am in this walk toward the Holy City. I do not know which road is SAFE, which road is BEST. So, I must realize that I am not a BIG KID but a little daughter of GOD. In these choices to come I must take my Father's Hand.
This may sound so .... well, unrealistic. This may sound like a cute thought but an impossibility in this world.
IT IS NOT.
Walking as little children of God is what he wants us to do. He will lead us in the best way. THIS I KNOW. SO I guess I will just Hold my Father's hand and PRAY and WAIT and GROW because that's all I can really do right now.
I do not know if I am called to religious life or Married life.
I do know that God has given me certain talents and aptitudes.
But I also have many weaknesses.
Columbia would be great because it would afford me many opportunities
but I have to admit I am for too prideful. Going to such a well known school
could prove to tempt me in my weakness to explode my head in silly thoughts
that my education makes me BETTER, WISER, SMARTER... or Superior to others.
I know that this is not true... but I also know that this is a weakness of mine.
Hmmm... I guess I will take my Father's Hand and if he guides me there through my discernment I will Walk carefully on this road.
I have spent time in prayer and reflection this week of break and It has lead me to this:
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I to TRUST
and believe (Lord Help my unbelief)
SO I WILL BREATHE
and HE WILL LEAD.
Ahhh, THIS little life he has granted me is Gonna BE GREAT!
and the Eternity HE MADE ME FOR... is GONNA BE BETTER!! ( I pray in all humility)
So these are my scrambled thoughts.
They probably don't make a lot of sense... but it is a great help to put thoughts down and may be helpful for someone if they see these thoughts... so I will share them.
Thank you Caroline for tolerating the LONG LONG ride with me and my incessant and unorganized vocalization of thoughts such as these... one day I may become more order in my mind.
OK, to finish up this post.
I have THREE book recommendations for you all:
I also would like to remind you all to PRAY. Pray like little children of God. On his lap with the humility of a CHILD.
HAVE A VERY BLESSED LENTEN SEASON.
It occurred to me that many people are very confused or frustrated about fasting in the Catholic Church. So, if you have any bad feelings about fasting Click HERE!
If you want the short summary:
We fast for many reasons explained by the church for penance and to remind ourselves that we are creatures of both spirit and body. While the body is GREAT as it allows us to do things and express ourselves while we are in THIS life... it is finite.... so we should not really let the FINITE part of us always be in control so by exercising control over our finite half we raise our infinite spirits and remember that we live for the RESURRECTION not EXILE where NOTHING can fully quench us.
