Great Expectations!

The Beginning of

My Great Expectations!

On my mom's lap. The chubby one. 

To start listen to this GREAT SONG! : )




I am almost done reading Great Expectations by Dickens. Incredible. I really really liked it. (note: I LOVE love LOVE reading. a lot). It was such a good book with so many altibajos (ups and downs) and so many unsuspected twists.

This past semester I took a Medieval Spanish Autobiography Class. Specific, right? Anyway, I think I really appreciate fictional autobiographies so much more now even though the class was pretty darn boring. I especially appreciated this book because I feel like I can SO RELATE TO IT.

I tend to have GREAT EXPECTATIONS and sometimes let myself be disillusioned quite like the sometimes quite pathetically love sick disillusion Pip in the book. This book has called me into reflection of how my life must look to God. I am pretty sure I  sometimes look like a flailing-ignorant -incapable- in-denial- protagonist of my own life. Just like Pip.

As a reader, it is SO OBVIOUS when Pip is has misconstrued a situation or pathetically strives for things that will never come to fruition... but it's not so obvious in my own life. I know that some of my greatest hopes and prayers of the past seem silly, ignorant, or potentially harmful to myself now. Some of my greatest efforts go toward making plans that only set me back in my story. Some of my greatest frustrations are a joke in the grand scheme of my story.

That being said, I am so HAPPY that I did not write my life story. This book has reaffirmed my new VERY STRONG desire to FLEE  from all inklings of my will (or plans) and to surrender to the Author, knowing that sometimes being discontent with MY STORY does not REWRITE A BETTER STORY. And MAKING PLANS that aren't in the SCRIPT is a WASTE OF TIME. Unless they are in accordance with the Author's Script.

During this break I have spent a lot of time in prayer, reflection, laziness, contemplation, and reading. I think what is becoming more and more clear to me is that I was not created to write a pathetic little for myself... I was created simply to live out and follow a very well written script. Furthermore, I am called to do so joyfully praising GOD (the Author) at all times (even in sorrow and despair) because ... well, I wouldn't be if it weren't for HIM and (EVEN) MOREOVER I wouldn't be promised such WONDER if it weren't for the Author.

TaNgEnT: Okay, so... could you imagine if the Author of a book Went into a book and Adopted His protagonist, became her knight in shining armor, died in battle to save her, confessed His undying love of her  and then promised her that at the end of her story she could keep living a more beautiful story in HIS WORLD.  Praise God! So, I guess I have it much better off than Pip because I don't think Dickens' did that for any of his characters.

I guess I just need to remind myself that I TRUST my Author to finish my STORY without a pathetic attempt to go against the SCRIPT. I know that even if my story is filled with many alitbajos and many tragedies, even if it doesn't end happy... I WAS PROMISED A FABULOUS EPILOGUE that trumps the small confines of a Book; I have been promised an Eternity of Happiness... so I guess I should just lay aside my "GREAT EXPECTATIONS" and keep my eyes on THAT GREAT END!!

Lord Save me From Myself!

In Rome with my Mom!

~ peace out ~

Today is a good day to be humble.

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being honored,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected,  Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,  Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,  Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

New Song!

This is a song I wrote for the Saint Mary's College Class of 2011! It's Called Hello Instead!
I would like to be able to share this with the class of 2011 as a group sometime before we graduate.
Comments are definitely welcome. : )
Enjoy!

Pilgrimages!

Some of you already know that I am (and have been) in planning and (and thus already walking) the pilgrimage to JMJ 2011 (WYD) in Madrid this summer.


http://www.madrid11.com



This Christmas break I also have the awesome opportunity to participate in the FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) conference in Denver before I head back to school for my last semester of undergraduate studies.


http://www.focusonline.org/site/PageServer

If you know me well or at least moderately well you probably know that I have in insatiable desire for learning. Whether that learning be through travel, discussion, reading, or service  For those of you who didn't know, pay attention "I LOVE LEARNING" So, as my mother pointed out earlier this morning I have the tendancy to be like St. Thérèse in that I want EVERYTHING. It is true.

http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=105



My list of desired pilgrimages is as follows:


√ Fatima
√ Lourdes
√ Rome
√ Focus : )
√ ... ALMOST (WYD 2011-MADRID)


THE HOLY LAND
The Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Kibeho - http://faithofthefathersapparitions.blogspot.com/2006/03/our-lady-of-kibeho.html
Medjugorje -  http://www.medjugorje.org/medpage.htm
Lisieux
ROME again ROME again... jiggidy jig (and Assisi because I never made it there)

Aside from pilgrimages, I have just happened upon very cool and famous churches, shrines, and monasteries in my travels. For example, in every town I visited I always visited the church or cathedral. I happened to live in Sevilla which boasts... I think the 3rd largest Cathedral?? Either way, it is HUGE. I also had the opportunity to go to the monastery where Christopher Columbus studied. For those experience I am extremely grateful and yet I know that there is so much more to see!

 However, no matter how many places I travel or how many books I read my heart will always call me back to my small little house in the middle of nowhere -- my home! At Christmastime I can't imagine a better place to be than at my home with my family!!

Anna May chatting up the Clause

Christmas tree when I was about 10

The Polar Express in Chicago! -- Super fun!

My grandparents house --- a LONG TOME AGO - 12 I think?

TOO MUCH SNOW!! : ) in a good way

Emily and the very prickly tree!

Yum!

Boys can bake too!

So even though I probably won't be going anywhere until the last weekend of break... I am happy to say that I am HAPPY TO BE HOME.

I will be filling the time with a LOT OF READING... prayer, visits with friends, MUSIC, exercise (hopefully) helpfulness at home and some movie watching!

Currently I am reading three books at once. I have never done this before but I am enjoying it immensily. I cary around my three current reads and when I am just slighly disiterested in one (at the end of the chapter) I switch to a new one. It. is. awesome.

My first three books are Orthodoxy, the Skrewtape letters and Great Expectations. I am making progress on all of them and enjoying all three very much! I will be done with this group before Christmas and then I can move on to my next batch. I think I forgot how much I LOVE reading... college does that to me sometimes.


Just a last note about the NEW DONATION BUTTON. I've added a donation button on to this blog for anyone who feels inclined and has the funds to donate to my pay pal account for piligrimases. The money in this account will ONLY go to my WYD and Focus Pilgirmage... and possibly a pilgrimage to the Holy Land!
Oh yes, I should probably mention the ND Holy Land pilgrimage. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go! But if not this one I will be able to go on another one... according to the Lord's Will! : )
This pilgrimage costs $2100 and is for Spring Break 2011. If you happen to have $2000 sitting around being unused... or even $5 : )


5 days until the Lord comes in Glory!
O Oriens: “O Radiant Dawn, splendor of eternal light, sun of justice: come, shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death.” Isaiah had prophesied, “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom a light has shown.”



PEACE PEACE PEACE and only PEACE

†
M

“To have courage for whatever comes in life. Everything lies in that.”
~ St. Teresa of Avila

"The only thing I really wish for is to love until I die of love.” ~ St. Thérèse

Now let us do something beautiful for God.
~ Blessed Mother Teresa

HELLO INSTEAD

The Semester is OVER!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

(Jamming to Vince Guaraldi)

I am definitely experiencing extreme mixed emotions. I am happy that I am done with the work load and crazy hustle and bustle of this semester, which is way more hustly and buslty than it has been or will ever be again due to some scheduling conflicts between my majors. BUT, I am devestated to be leaving my ... (wait for it) HOME. Yes it's finally happened. I think of South Bend as my home and I will really miss my old and news friends this MONTH away from them. More tragic yet... I won't even see some of them because they are going abroad.  Because I'm a senior it means that I won't see them again. Possibly at all. Super pessimistic. But I'm feeling pretty low about it. I know that the year isn't over yet... but a mid-academic-year crisis is hitting strong.

On the other hand. I LOVE MY FAMILY and I LOVE MY PARISH and St. Joe and the BROAD STREET CAFE (best bagels in Michigan) and all of the people and places that make up my OLD HOME.  Also, I will get to See CARLY who has been hiding away at Grad School in D.C. So I will have good times this break... but I am still sad. 

Looking back on this semester (as this is a liturgical  period of reflection and the end of my LAST FALL SEMESTER) I can see how that I've grown, changed, and accomplished things that I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to accomplish. 

Example: I am FINALLY 21. overrated. But I'm happy that now I'm NOT so obviously SUPER WAY YOUNGER than my peers. Also, I have officially completed all of my grad school applications and I'm now just in the waiting period. CRAZY. I am trying not to think about it. But, to be honest since I was in tenth grade I had my plans set up until this moment... then I'm basically in the dark. 

Which leads me to my other areas of growth. I don't think I care that I'm in the dark. Actually, I love that I'm in the dark (in this moment) because it means I can't guide myself I have to be guided by someone who can see and since I've always had trouble letting go of my will this is helping me because I kind of don't have a choice. 

This semester I have made more friends who take their faith seriously and If you knew me from freshman year you will know that I was the odd one out, the girl who went to mass and prayed. alone. Those were hard times but I also appreciate them. I am starting to appreciate all of the hard times from college and realize how those spiritually difficult trials are just has important in my preparation for the "real world" as my academic preparation.

I have taken classes these fours years for the sheer joy of learning, like piano, acting, music theory, and LOTS O' Spanish classes and that is AWESOME. I am so glad I have had the opportunity to expand my horizons and I look forward to accomplishing more of my little goals like Ballet, French, Italian, and COOKING in the future : )

I have learned that being an adult is not being in control but clinging to the Father so tightly that he carries you through...even when you are ridiculed for this child like dependency on the Father. I have learned that being an adult is not having a plan but being flexible and willing. I have learned that being an adult will be full of sacrifice that can be approached with joy, moments of humility that can be appreciated for their intrinsic good, and weakness which will only help us cling to the Father more and more. 

Usually, my strongest moments in prayer are when I am desperate. Per the human norm. Such as, when I am abroad or when I have loss, concern, or woe.  However, I am beginning to LOVE to pray for that which is against my will.... it's a slow process. But I believe God will bless me and though every once in a while I can't help praying for the desires of my heart... my biggest prayer has been that the desires of my heart will be the DESIRES OF HIS. <3

Growing up is hard. I realized the other day that I have friends that I probably won't be able to see or talk to. My friends who become religious or priests will be off-limits,  my friends who start families will dedicate their time to that vocation... and I feel like I will kind of be floating along. alone. BUT NOT ALONE. I will cling to the Father. 

So, this Christmas break I feel, I guess, Conflicted. I am happy for what I have gained and what opportunities are to come but I am a little scared to leave my comfortable cacoon of Saint Mary's. I am a little sad to have only one semester left with great friends. I am a little worried I will regress when I leave and NEVER find my place in the world without this support system. 

I wrote a song called "Hello Instead" It basically sums up how I feel about this year ending. 

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite word

So I guess I’ll say hello instead to all the things I’ll see to all the paths I’ll tread

I am so comfortable here

But this chrysalis is dry

And I will die unless I fly

I can fly my roots won’t keep me here

And I’ll keep moving toward the light

I won’t be kept behind by my fear

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite word

So I guess I’ll say hello instead to all the things I’ll see to all the paths I’ll tread

There future is an angry animal

Charging at me and I have no where

To go but up from here

So I’ll fly

I can fly my roots won’t keep me here

And I’ll keep moving toward the light

I won’t be kept behind by my fear

I will fill my tank with tears

And these years will carry me far

I’ll set sail for the possibilities

Let’s stay friends wherever we are

 I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite word

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite. Goodbye Hello instead…

 St. Thérèse pray for me that I may follow the Lord and live the little way. 

Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my ownand to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan. Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein.

Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen.

Prayer Source: Unknown.