Great Expectations!

The Beginning of

My Great Expectations!

On my mom's lap. The chubby one. 

To start listen to this GREAT SONG! : )




I am almost done reading Great Expectations by Dickens. Incredible. I really really liked it. (note: I LOVE love LOVE reading. a lot). It was such a good book with so many altibajos (ups and downs) and so many unsuspected twists.

This past semester I took a Medieval Spanish Autobiography Class. Specific, right? Anyway, I think I really appreciate fictional autobiographies so much more now even though the class was pretty darn boring. I especially appreciated this book because I feel like I can SO RELATE TO IT.

I tend to have GREAT EXPECTATIONS and sometimes let myself be disillusioned quite like the sometimes quite pathetically love sick disillusion Pip in the book. This book has called me into reflection of how my life must look to God. I am pretty sure I  sometimes look like a flailing-ignorant -incapable- in-denial- protagonist of my own life. Just like Pip.

As a reader, it is SO OBVIOUS when Pip is has misconstrued a situation or pathetically strives for things that will never come to fruition... but it's not so obvious in my own life. I know that some of my greatest hopes and prayers of the past seem silly, ignorant, or potentially harmful to myself now. Some of my greatest efforts go toward making plans that only set me back in my story. Some of my greatest frustrations are a joke in the grand scheme of my story.

That being said, I am so HAPPY that I did not write my life story. This book has reaffirmed my new VERY STRONG desire to FLEE  from all inklings of my will (or plans) and to surrender to the Author, knowing that sometimes being discontent with MY STORY does not REWRITE A BETTER STORY. And MAKING PLANS that aren't in the SCRIPT is a WASTE OF TIME. Unless they are in accordance with the Author's Script.

During this break I have spent a lot of time in prayer, reflection, laziness, contemplation, and reading. I think what is becoming more and more clear to me is that I was not created to write a pathetic little for myself... I was created simply to live out and follow a very well written script. Furthermore, I am called to do so joyfully praising GOD (the Author) at all times (even in sorrow and despair) because ... well, I wouldn't be if it weren't for HIM and (EVEN) MOREOVER I wouldn't be promised such WONDER if it weren't for the Author.

TaNgEnT: Okay, so... could you imagine if the Author of a book Went into a book and Adopted His protagonist, became her knight in shining armor, died in battle to save her, confessed His undying love of her  and then promised her that at the end of her story she could keep living a more beautiful story in HIS WORLD.  Praise God! So, I guess I have it much better off than Pip because I don't think Dickens' did that for any of his characters.

I guess I just need to remind myself that I TRUST my Author to finish my STORY without a pathetic attempt to go against the SCRIPT. I know that even if my story is filled with many alitbajos and many tragedies, even if it doesn't end happy... I WAS PROMISED A FABULOUS EPILOGUE that trumps the small confines of a Book; I have been promised an Eternity of Happiness... so I guess I should just lay aside my "GREAT EXPECTATIONS" and keep my eyes on THAT GREAT END!!

Lord Save me From Myself!

In Rome with my Mom!

~ peace out ~

Today is a good day to be humble.

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being honored,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged,  Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected,  Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,  Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,  Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

New Song!

This is a song I wrote for the Saint Mary's College Class of 2011! It's Called Hello Instead!
I would like to be able to share this with the class of 2011 as a group sometime before we graduate.
Comments are definitely welcome. : )
Enjoy!

Pilgrimages!

Some of you already know that I am (and have been) in planning and (and thus already walking) the pilgrimage to JMJ 2011 (WYD) in Madrid this summer.


http://www.madrid11.com



This Christmas break I also have the awesome opportunity to participate in the FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) conference in Denver before I head back to school for my last semester of undergraduate studies.


http://www.focusonline.org/site/PageServer

If you know me well or at least moderately well you probably know that I have in insatiable desire for learning. Whether that learning be through travel, discussion, reading, or service  For those of you who didn't know, pay attention "I LOVE LEARNING" So, as my mother pointed out earlier this morning I have the tendancy to be like St. Thérèse in that I want EVERYTHING. It is true.

http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=105



My list of desired pilgrimages is as follows:


√ Fatima
√ Lourdes
√ Rome
√ Focus : )
√ ... ALMOST (WYD 2011-MADRID)


THE HOLY LAND
The Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe
Kibeho - http://faithofthefathersapparitions.blogspot.com/2006/03/our-lady-of-kibeho.html
Medjugorje -  http://www.medjugorje.org/medpage.htm
Lisieux
ROME again ROME again... jiggidy jig (and Assisi because I never made it there)

Aside from pilgrimages, I have just happened upon very cool and famous churches, shrines, and monasteries in my travels. For example, in every town I visited I always visited the church or cathedral. I happened to live in Sevilla which boasts... I think the 3rd largest Cathedral?? Either way, it is HUGE. I also had the opportunity to go to the monastery where Christopher Columbus studied. For those experience I am extremely grateful and yet I know that there is so much more to see!

 However, no matter how many places I travel or how many books I read my heart will always call me back to my small little house in the middle of nowhere -- my home! At Christmastime I can't imagine a better place to be than at my home with my family!!

Anna May chatting up the Clause

Christmas tree when I was about 10

The Polar Express in Chicago! -- Super fun!

My grandparents house --- a LONG TOME AGO - 12 I think?

TOO MUCH SNOW!! : ) in a good way

Emily and the very prickly tree!

Yum!

Boys can bake too!

So even though I probably won't be going anywhere until the last weekend of break... I am happy to say that I am HAPPY TO BE HOME.

I will be filling the time with a LOT OF READING... prayer, visits with friends, MUSIC, exercise (hopefully) helpfulness at home and some movie watching!

Currently I am reading three books at once. I have never done this before but I am enjoying it immensily. I cary around my three current reads and when I am just slighly disiterested in one (at the end of the chapter) I switch to a new one. It. is. awesome.

My first three books are Orthodoxy, the Skrewtape letters and Great Expectations. I am making progress on all of them and enjoying all three very much! I will be done with this group before Christmas and then I can move on to my next batch. I think I forgot how much I LOVE reading... college does that to me sometimes.


Just a last note about the NEW DONATION BUTTON. I've added a donation button on to this blog for anyone who feels inclined and has the funds to donate to my pay pal account for piligrimases. The money in this account will ONLY go to my WYD and Focus Pilgirmage... and possibly a pilgrimage to the Holy Land!
Oh yes, I should probably mention the ND Holy Land pilgrimage. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go! But if not this one I will be able to go on another one... according to the Lord's Will! : )
This pilgrimage costs $2100 and is for Spring Break 2011. If you happen to have $2000 sitting around being unused... or even $5 : )


5 days until the Lord comes in Glory!
O Oriens: “O Radiant Dawn, splendor of eternal light, sun of justice: come, shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death.” Isaiah had prophesied, “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom a light has shown.”



PEACE PEACE PEACE and only PEACE

†
M

“To have courage for whatever comes in life. Everything lies in that.”
~ St. Teresa of Avila

"The only thing I really wish for is to love until I die of love.” ~ St. Thérèse

Now let us do something beautiful for God.
~ Blessed Mother Teresa

HELLO INSTEAD

The Semester is OVER!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

(Jamming to Vince Guaraldi)

I am definitely experiencing extreme mixed emotions. I am happy that I am done with the work load and crazy hustle and bustle of this semester, which is way more hustly and buslty than it has been or will ever be again due to some scheduling conflicts between my majors. BUT, I am devestated to be leaving my ... (wait for it) HOME. Yes it's finally happened. I think of South Bend as my home and I will really miss my old and news friends this MONTH away from them. More tragic yet... I won't even see some of them because they are going abroad.  Because I'm a senior it means that I won't see them again. Possibly at all. Super pessimistic. But I'm feeling pretty low about it. I know that the year isn't over yet... but a mid-academic-year crisis is hitting strong.

On the other hand. I LOVE MY FAMILY and I LOVE MY PARISH and St. Joe and the BROAD STREET CAFE (best bagels in Michigan) and all of the people and places that make up my OLD HOME.  Also, I will get to See CARLY who has been hiding away at Grad School in D.C. So I will have good times this break... but I am still sad. 

Looking back on this semester (as this is a liturgical  period of reflection and the end of my LAST FALL SEMESTER) I can see how that I've grown, changed, and accomplished things that I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to accomplish. 

Example: I am FINALLY 21. overrated. But I'm happy that now I'm NOT so obviously SUPER WAY YOUNGER than my peers. Also, I have officially completed all of my grad school applications and I'm now just in the waiting period. CRAZY. I am trying not to think about it. But, to be honest since I was in tenth grade I had my plans set up until this moment... then I'm basically in the dark. 

Which leads me to my other areas of growth. I don't think I care that I'm in the dark. Actually, I love that I'm in the dark (in this moment) because it means I can't guide myself I have to be guided by someone who can see and since I've always had trouble letting go of my will this is helping me because I kind of don't have a choice. 

This semester I have made more friends who take their faith seriously and If you knew me from freshman year you will know that I was the odd one out, the girl who went to mass and prayed. alone. Those were hard times but I also appreciate them. I am starting to appreciate all of the hard times from college and realize how those spiritually difficult trials are just has important in my preparation for the "real world" as my academic preparation.

I have taken classes these fours years for the sheer joy of learning, like piano, acting, music theory, and LOTS O' Spanish classes and that is AWESOME. I am so glad I have had the opportunity to expand my horizons and I look forward to accomplishing more of my little goals like Ballet, French, Italian, and COOKING in the future : )

I have learned that being an adult is not being in control but clinging to the Father so tightly that he carries you through...even when you are ridiculed for this child like dependency on the Father. I have learned that being an adult is not having a plan but being flexible and willing. I have learned that being an adult will be full of sacrifice that can be approached with joy, moments of humility that can be appreciated for their intrinsic good, and weakness which will only help us cling to the Father more and more. 

Usually, my strongest moments in prayer are when I am desperate. Per the human norm. Such as, when I am abroad or when I have loss, concern, or woe.  However, I am beginning to LOVE to pray for that which is against my will.... it's a slow process. But I believe God will bless me and though every once in a while I can't help praying for the desires of my heart... my biggest prayer has been that the desires of my heart will be the DESIRES OF HIS. <3

Growing up is hard. I realized the other day that I have friends that I probably won't be able to see or talk to. My friends who become religious or priests will be off-limits,  my friends who start families will dedicate their time to that vocation... and I feel like I will kind of be floating along. alone. BUT NOT ALONE. I will cling to the Father. 

So, this Christmas break I feel, I guess, Conflicted. I am happy for what I have gained and what opportunities are to come but I am a little scared to leave my comfortable cacoon of Saint Mary's. I am a little sad to have only one semester left with great friends. I am a little worried I will regress when I leave and NEVER find my place in the world without this support system. 

I wrote a song called "Hello Instead" It basically sums up how I feel about this year ending. 

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite word

So I guess I’ll say hello instead to all the things I’ll see to all the paths I’ll tread

I am so comfortable here

But this chrysalis is dry

And I will die unless I fly

I can fly my roots won’t keep me here

And I’ll keep moving toward the light

I won’t be kept behind by my fear

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite word

So I guess I’ll say hello instead to all the things I’ll see to all the paths I’ll tread

There future is an angry animal

Charging at me and I have no where

To go but up from here

So I’ll fly

I can fly my roots won’t keep me here

And I’ll keep moving toward the light

I won’t be kept behind by my fear

I will fill my tank with tears

And these years will carry me far

I’ll set sail for the possibilities

Let’s stay friends wherever we are

 I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

I never want to say that word, never want to say that word

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite word

Goodbye was never my favorite word, never my favorite. Goodbye Hello instead…

 St. Thérèse pray for me that I may follow the Lord and live the little way. 

Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my ownand to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan. Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein.

Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen.

Prayer Source: Unknown.

Marshamallow Fields forever!! BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!

Sheepskin Poser: Claire I'm so happy you came!!

Okay, so before I explain WHY this weekend was absolutely perfect and the most precious gift of GOD I think I should give a little background to set the scene. first off... this is what I look like.  The other photo is just to fake you out / Claire wanted to pretend to be me in my "sheepskin"

Ok. The one in the Middle is Actually Me! : )

Because I am not an English Major I will have to write this ... poorly. But PLEASE continue reading.
 (just fyi i really like caps!)


Okay, so, the first thing to know is that when I was a freshman I opted out of getting ND football tickets for 2 reasons. 1) I wasn't super into football. 1.5) wasn't super into ND 2) wasn't super into any of the people I had met by the time I had to get tickets. Then I went away for Sophmore year and then Junior year... well, I just wasn't interested in football I thought about getting tickets but had been gone for a year and wasn't sure who to sit with and didn't really want to pay the money...and so and so forth! blah blah blah.





The second thing to know is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Danielle Rose because her music gave me great joy when I was abroad in Spain.

The third thing to know is that for the PAST WEEK I HAVE BEEN very stressed because of my St. Teresa of Ávila presentation for my Medieval Spanish Lit class.



The fourth thing to know is that I walk in the Camino Neocatecumenal .. sometimes quite reluctantly and that I am also very prideful and ... actually not that nice most of the time.

Fifth thing: I LOVE CHRISTMAS. A LOT.
AND: I love GOD and  babies and children and music, and COFFEE and ELF and friends and FAMILY and home and brunch and PRAYER and SAINT MARGARET'S HOUSE the CATHOLIC WORKER and my COMMUNITY and I guess maybe... NOW I LOVE ND football too! ... AND I BURST WITH JOY WHEN THEY ALL GET MIXED UP into ONE WEEKEND!!!! : D


Weekend: FRIDAY!!


On Friday I woke up. Had coffee with Brett Perkins. HE IS GREAT!! he reminds me of buddy the ELF. He is one of my favs. We had a nice chat at STARBUCKS about how four:7 is going and how totus tuus is going as well... and we mostly just talked about other things because, well, we BOTH like to talk. Because we both like to talk... I was 30 minutes late to class. BUT, NBD because I LOVE PEOPLE a lot more than social norms, class, or being on time!! <3
After class I went to Saint Margaret's House and had a GREAT TIME!! I love SMH. If you live in South Bend and Have not been there you should GO!! it is awesome. : )
I had great convos there and helped ... but only a little bit; I wasn't very helpful because I was chatting with people for most of the time.  THEN, I went to my field placement and facilitated two FOCUS groups... then I came back to Campus and we sung the DIVINE MERCY CHAPLET before Mass. Then, we went to mass and I sat with NOT ONLY my four:7 friends but with one of my NEW mDiv friends from SMH!! Then! THEN THEN a bunch of us went to CHIPOTLE!!! : ) I love chipotle. I SAW Laura (my new mdiv friend) at Chiptole. GOOD TIMES. good times.  Then we went to a Danielle Rose concert.

The concert deserves it's own paragraph. Okay, so ... this was probably better than the game. If it is possible to physically explode from Joy. I'm pretty sure I would have at the concert. This was the BEST thing ever! There was Jesus, Children, Coffee (I had just made my 2nd Starbucks trip of the day) Music, and LOVELY PEOPLE. It was awesome. I literally did not know how to get all of the Joy out of my Body!! I think that one of the reasons this concert was so so so so so AWESOME is because I can honestly say that (by the grace of God) I am %100 happy with my life and am not at ALL worried about the future because God has given me this gift of peace about everything!! Because I had no worries during the concert I was free to move past contentment and move over to almost unbearably strong waves of JOY. If were at (or saw) the ND  game and saw (or were part of) the Seniors Storming the field then you probably understood how my heart felt at the Concert. It was like all of the joy that was coming into my heart couldn't get out through such a small gate as my human body... It was happy. PRAISE GOD! : ) Okay, so that was one of the AWESOME PARTS of the weekend.

Moving on. The rest of Friday was awesome too! I went to a black light party... and played TO MOREDOR. I like it. I drew on walls with laundry detergent... then left and went to the LAST DRUMMER CIRCLE and saw one of my favorite people ever: Claire Fraizer!!! She was in town for the game! Then ... well, I stayed up and did a bunch of visitng with different peeps the rest of the night. ALSO, Eddy's Street is decorated for CHRISTMAS!!! yay : )

Saturday:
Woke up. Had lots o' Coffee!! Picked up ALLIE ZAHM and Laurel Javors and headed over to the Catholic Worker. Good times. I really didn't help that much but it was awesome chilling with JC ( a real man at the worker) for a while. Then, laurel and I peaced out and I went to MASS at the basilica and then I prayed morning prayer with super awesome people and then I walked around campus with a nice grad student for about an hour. THEN, wait for it... I went to STARBUCKS (if you know me you will find this to be a frequent activity ... that brings me much joy!) with Claire and her Super cool BF: TINK. yup. that is what he is called. We caught up and had good times... walked around went to the bookstore and stuff and then... went back to starbucks. okay. Now that I am actually writing down how many times I've been to starbucks I'm getting a little embarrassed. anyway. yes. I went to starbucks twice two days in a row. : /

Anyway. THEN I went to the game.








...which, has fully inaugurated me into being a legit fan! I LOVED THAT GAME SO MUCH!! we won... by a LOT (28-3) and I kinda ended up sitting way close up with friends instead of the usual surrounding of strange drunk (strangers).  WE had the Senior Marshmallow fight with wet sticky marshmallows. so fun. so fun. THEN, then, then, we stormed the field!!! Which, was scary and fun at the same time. I was literally being pushed into a railing at one point and was trying to NOT hurt people but I ended up just ducking my head down and praying that I didn't get trampled. I lived. : ) When I finally made it through the very small gate and got onto the field I WAS SO EXCITED!!!  IT WAS SO COOL!!!







After many fun escapades on the field we finally left. Got pizza at lafun and then I went back to my apartment, thinking that I would study for a while. NOPE. I hung out with friends and then napped. good life choice. Then SUPER AWESOME Claire and Tink dropped me at my car. I left it at Notre Dame because I drove to mass. Then, I picked up Mary Z and Brian H and we went to John's House... I slept on their couch. I was still very tired. They were watching and Giving an Awesome commentary to Troy. It was a nice bedtime story : ) when the movie ended I went back to OPUS (my apartment) and couldn't sleep after my series of naps so... I hung out with Monica, Claire, Tink, Troy, Lizzey and other people until ike 2:30 am! We jammed on the guitar, ate good food, and talked. I liked it!!


Sunday:
6:40am: I woke up. PRAISE GOD. because I had slept through my alarm. I had to go to mass at 7am to be able to make it to St. Joe for a convenience with my community (of the Way). I took a 5min shower, brushed teeth and RAN OUT THE DOOR. I made it to mass. : ) and it was lovely. OBVI!
Then... can you guess what I did next. I will give you a moment. It might be difficult to figure out.

Yes. Yes. I went to Starbucks.
PARENTAL DISCLAIMER :
Dear Parents, I know that It seems like I've blown a lot of your money this weekend. But... I would like to let you know that I was treated to Starbucks half of the times that I went this weekend... and that I only payed $1.50 for plain coffee either way because, as you know, I just like regular coffee, I did spend $5 at chipotle... but it WAS THE LAST football WEEKEND! I love you and appreciate you very much and ... I only spent like $10 on all of my extra curricular/ social activity this weekend. Just saying... that's pretty darn good. Minus, Gas of course. : /
Thanks for being awesome. Really. The (: / ) is the end of the disclaimer portion. I really and Truly LOVE LOVE LOVE you guys you are GREAT PARENTS AND  I APPRECIATE IT!! <3

So after starbucks I went to St. Joe! : ) We had a wonderful WONDERFUL convenience. However, that is between my community and myself! <3 It was awesome though!! Like really really good! Then... like a SUPER WOMAN I made it back to Notre Dame in time (ish) for Totus Tuus Practice!! 
a few club meetings.. cleaned my room... watched AMORES PERROS (great movie) and putzed around and here I am. HAPPY SUNDAY!!!

I LOVE LIFE!!!!! <3
PRAISE GOD ALLELUIA!!!!
Have a GREAT SUNDAY AND WEEK EVERYONE!! : )

The Irish Guard was catching Marshmallows in their hats!!

Ooey Gooey MarshmallowEY!

Goodbye!

Please note: Losing is crossed out and Winning is written beneath

: )

~ Evening Thoughts ~

My mom and I will always remind each other to "keep your eyes on the horizon"
Another way to say this is to simply move toward the light...
This made me think that If I was a child (which I often am) talking to God the Father
I would express the journey home to Him in this way:



Daddy, do you know what I expect?


Let me start with what I don't know...

I don't know what I expect from life
But I know what I expect from myself:
Honesty, Courage, Faith,  Growth...
I don't know where I will go
But I know that I will walk
And even if I stumble
I will move
toward the
light


I don't know what I expect from life
But I know what I expect from myself
patience, LOVE, hope...
I don't know where I will go
but I know where I have been
mistakes will happen
mistakes will shape me
humility will overtake me
and I will move
toward the
light

I don't know what I expect from life
But I know what I expect from myself
I expect to keep walking
I expect to TRUST, to SEEK, to MOVE
I expect to do something GOOD
I don't expect to be remembered
but I expect to remember
to simply move
toward the
light

Daddy I think that I am at a crossroads...
or maybe I'm not at a crossroads at all...?
There is so much darkness these days.
Have you notice how dark it is?
it's hard for me to tell
which way to light and which way to wrong
But I will walk until my feet don't move
and I will sing till I've dried up all the tunes
in the world
and with open eyes of a blind girl
I will fumble in the darkness
I will listen and speak and use all of my senses
AND I will MOVE toward the LIGHT


And Daddy
I am sorry but sometimes I am sure that I will be going backwards
And sometimes I am sure that I will have to stop moving for fear
And sometimes I am sure that in circles I will walk on the wrong path
and maybe even tell others to follow me into the pitch black
of mistakes
But Daddy, caution I will take
And my life a prayer will be
and though all I have to bring is
ME: empty as can be
I will move toward the light

Daddy, do you know what I expect?

I don't know what I expect from life
but I expect to die
to myself
and put fear
on the shelf with my old comforts in my dark room
and I expect that SOON
I will see the light

That is what I expect.
Goodnight!

Goodmorning Thoughts

I love the morning so much!! I was listening to this song and reading Santa Teresa de Ávila. Good stuff. : )








Right now I am sitting here with a cup of coffee, good music, facing the sunrise, drawing and reading a little... this is how life should be.

However, in my stupidity and desire to control the world (which is impossible) I like to PLAN PLAN PLAN how things will go. I am learning to let this go...BUT it is harder than it seems and I've realized of late that I feel a certain elation in being able to cling my own ignorance. I pretend that it is okay but in reality I know there is a better way. AND SO this battle has been waged within my soul and someone will have to die... and like that scene form Princess Bride I'm sure that I can not reason my way out of this and if I did it wouldn't matter anyway because this battle is between myself and I... so either way I must die. TO SELF, it's hard because I know me well and have learned to love myself despite (and for) failings and I guess that is why I'm wailing because although everything can be going so perfectly around me... inside my soul is an angry sea that cannot be calmed by all of the things I enjoy because the battle is between myself and I and one of us will surely die and I'm waiting to see which me I will be in ten years from now... and how stupid anyhow because It doesn't really matter today. It doesn't really matter today. Because, as Teresa reminds me God is the Gardener and when he chooses to water me it will surpass any growth I've been trying to self-cultivate... BUT I AM SO IMPATIENT. I just want to know which way my life will go... and I want to be in control. Obedience and patience were never my favorite things but trust comes from LOVE and LOVE is what I live for so I guess I'll have to let this silent battle go and sip my coffee and just know that TODAY... today I can listen to music and draw and read, sip coffee and breath and NOT WORRY because I WILL BE HAPPY!!!

I will be happy.
I will be happy.
And one day... I will come to a crossroads and on one side I will see a path that will carry me through; a path were I can walk happiest and holiest and THAT is all I have to do. I will wait today. and simply pray.

I WILL BE HAPPY.

Prayer To Accept God's Will
Give me, Lord, the strength and courage to accept Your will at this time of my life, and throughout my life.  You know both what I want and what is best for me.  Help me to recognize Your blessing and presence in all my needs so that my thoughts, words, and actions might reflect my trust in Your wisdom.  Amen.

Happy Halloween!!

Okay, So I admit I actually don't really appreciate this holiday very much... but It's still is Halloween so I thought I would wish everyone well on this eve of All Saints Day. : )

To begin. Today and this week have been wonderful, simply wonderful! Today when I walked outside I could smell burning leaves, see the tones of sunset on the trees, and feel the cool air and the warmth of the sun simultaneously. It was great.

Also, last night (even after ND's tragic football loss) was awesome. I was able to go see the folk choir concert! It was SOOO GOOD and I had great company AND Danielle Rose was there!! She is one of my favs for Sure! The joy that radiates from her being is really inspiring!






AND to make it EVEN BETTER they ended with one of my favorite songs EVER: Siyahamba!! All God's Children Choir, the choir I used to be in / interned with does this song and it reminds me of my choir family!!



 After the concert I had a great experience when I was headed back to SMC. I was going to wait for the safe "blinky" security bus that picks people up...but I'm too impatient for it so I started walking BUT this lovely older couple picked me up and drove me the rest of the way just to be nice!! It was so wonderful!! They had gone to the concert as well and were just the nicest people! God is Good all the time! : )

This morning I was able to go to mass, pray morning prayer and have coffee with a friend who I definitely don't see enough. GREAT GREAT GREAT!

Here is something good to know about me. I am so overjoyed by mass generally that I am high on the Lord most of Sunday. BUT, it is even more noticeable when I am able to go to a café directly after mass! AND that is where I am right now... I am high on God and Coffee. Now, if music is added to the mix I will probably die of ecstasy.

On an entirely different note. I just want to take a moment to remember (in Joyful Hope) Declan Sullivan. Declan was a Junior at Notre Dame and died this Wednesday in an accident. He was a great person and though I did not know him personally my heart goes out to his friends and family. Please pray for Declan and his family and friends.


http://www.ndsmcobserver.com/news/junior-declan-sullivan-dies-in-accident-1.1731506

There was a memorial mass at the Basillica for Declan and it was incredible to see the student body in prayer and solidarity for Declan Sullivan. This mass was an eye-opener for many students. It inspired joyful hope in me (for his soul) and pained me greatly to realize how many people had lost someone very dear to them. It also caused me to rededicate myself to the Lord (which I must do frequently) by reminding me of the the fragility of life and that life is not in success as so many view it but it lies in doing "small things with great love" (mother Theresa). It seems that Declan lived a life with great love and though he never reached the point of traditional success of Graduation or a career his life was a beautiful treasure to the Lord and to all of those who knew him.

When my uncle passed away a while ago my great-grandfather (who has since passed away) said that it was hard to see his grandson die because he knew that it meant that after such a short life my uncle Matthew was ready to be called home by the Lord and he (my great-grandfather) had lived a long life and was still not ready to return to the Lord. To him it was a sign of true success to die young because it meant you had fulfilled your purpose. I can't help but think of my great grandfather when I think of Delcan's Story. Lord Bless him and keep him!



~ Carpe Diem ~

Make the most of you life; do small things with great LOVE; and THANK THE LORD for EVERY DAY you HAVE!!!

Happy Sunday!!!
†
M

ALSO, THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!! 23 DAYS till I am LEGAL!!

For Gina Garavalia (my little sister's bff)

By Guest Blogger Gina Garavalia

Hello! Katherine was gracious enough to let me hijack her blog for a moment so that I could tell you about one of my favorite authors, Bryan Davis.

Bryan Davis’ books have become bestsellers in the field of young adult Christian fantasy. He has written many series, including Dragons in Our Midst, Oracles of Fire, Echoes From the Edge, and the new Dragons of Starlight. His books for adults include I Know Why the Angels Dance and the Tales of Starlight series. All are filled with enchanting characters, colorful writing, and riveting storytelling that had my eyes glued to the page until the very end.

A list of all Bryan Davis’s books can be found here: http://www.daviscrossing.com/shopping.htm

Let me quickly highlight some of his books.

Raising Dragons

A boy learns of his dragon past; a girl has known of hers for years. They combine their faith, courage, and love to overcome evil, a slayer who seeks to bring an end to dragon heritage, forever.

I picked up Raising Dragons because I am a fan of the fantasy genre. As a frequent reader of fantasy books, I have noticed that characters in this genre can sometimes be unrealistic. It’s hard to connect with giant scaly lizards or teen heroes with extraordinary powers – which is why this book took me by surprise. Author Bryan Davis has managed to intertwine a captivating fantasy world with protagonists that I can relate to. Billy Bannister, Bonnie Silver, and Walter Foley are three characters who now reside among my all-time favorites. From page one, Raising Dragons is a roller coaster ride chocked full of action, twists and turns, humor, and spiritual truths. So sit down, buckle up, and prepare yourself for an amazing to beginning to a fantastic series.

Eye of the Oracle

From the era just before Noah’s ark, through the battles between dragons and mankind in the time of King Arthur, and to the haunting presence of dragons in our day, this stunning prequel reveals the mysteries that led to the bestselling fantasy adventure that began with Raising Dragons.

Packed full of action, touching moments, and spiritual truths, Eye of the Oracle kept me up at night, reading under the covers. I found myself unable to put it down! Although it is the prequel to the best-selling Dragons In Our Midst series, it is able to stand on its own. From Noah, to the Round Table, to the present day, Eye of the Oracle takes readers on a journey through time. Discover the history of the dragons, the origin of the evil slayers who pursue them, and the truth behind the Oracles of Fire. Imaginative and well-written, this story is sure to please! Join Makaidos, Sapphira, Gabriel, and many other memorable characters in this tale of mystery, conflict, and inspiration.

The Bones of Makaidos

As the fiery wall of Abraham dies away, the people of Second Eden wait for the coming war. Giants and dragons will soon break through the barrier and attack, powered by the hatred they have stored up for four years. 

The Bones of Makaidos won the 2010 Clive Staples Award for Christian Speculative Fiction, and it definitely deserves the hype! This fast-paced conclusion to the Oracles of Fire series is quite honestly my favorite of Bryan Davis’s books. It’s masterfully written, and the pages flew by at a breakneck pace! I couldn’t wait to find out what happens! It’s been amazing to journey with these characters through their trials and adventures, and this book brings those adventures to a stunning, exciting, and inspiring conclusion. I’m not ashamed to say that the ending brought me to tears! This book alone makes reading the Dragons In Our Midst and Oracles of Fire series well worthwhile.

Starlighter

There have long been rumors of dragons stealing people to another realm and enslaving them, but Jason did not believe the myths. Now, both his brothers are missing, and it turns out that dragons really exist. Jason journeys to find the portal to this mysterious realm in order to rescue his brothers and free the slaves.

Starlighter is the first of the Dragons of Starlight series, and I couldn’t read it fast enough! Like all of Bryan Davis’s books, it features a unique storyline, wonderful world-building, and fascinating characters. I found myself rooting for Jason as he and his companions strive to locate the portal and rescue the Lost Ones, and for Koren, whose extraordinary gift puts her in danger. Packed full of action, excitement, and inspiration, this is one book you’ll want to read again and again. The sequel just can’t come fast enough!

Masters and Slayers

Expert swordsman Adrian Masters attempts a dangerous journey to another world to rescue human captives who have been enslaved there by dragons. He is accompanied by Marcelle, a sword maiden of amazing skill whose ideas about how the operation should be carried out conflict with his own.

Masters and Slayers, the first of the Tales of Starlight series, has earned a prominent place on my “favorite books” shelf, right next to Starlighter. While Starlighter follows the adventures of teenaged Jason Masters, Masters and Slayers is about his older brother Adrian as he sets out to locate a legendary portal and bring the Lost Ones home. Bryan Davis’s take on this story is truly unique. Flawlessly, he weaves these two series into one tale of excitement and inspiration. While both Starlighter and Masters and Slayers can stand on their own, reading both has offered me a deeper understanding for the story world. I cannot wait to read the next book in this series!

More information about Masters and Slayers, Bryan Davis’s newest book, can be found here: http://www.mastersandslayers.com

I Know Why the Angels Dance

When atheist psychology professor Phil Grayson loses his only child to disease, he's furious at John Hanson's attempt to console him based on his daughter's deathbed conversion to Christ. While Phil seems blind to the truth, John struggles to grasp the concept of "weeping with those who weep." Can another remarkable child bring them together?

I Know Why the Angels Dance is a truly moving story about how good can come out of even the most horrible tragedy. An atheistic family is stricken with grief, and it seems that no one will be able to breach their hearts and allow God’s love to flow. Can a little girl named Tabitha be the key? And when the unspeakable happens, can her father make the angels dance again? Bryan Davis’s beautiful writing brings this story to life. If you can read it without shedding a tear, you have a have a heart of stone.

I’d like to thank you for allowing me the chance to discuss these fantastic books. I hope you’ll consider looking into them.

Please enjoy this video featuring “Cassabrie’s Song” from Masters and Slayers.

I simply Remember my Favorite Things!!

Today. Today I realized something about myself. I don't want all of the things I think I want.
I just want to be happy. If this means that I don't get the things that I think I want...then I think that is what I want!


These are some photos of things that make me happy!!!
 They will help you get to know me a little better...

Favorite coffee Shop in Sevilla!

Blue Skies... and cups of coffee make me happy!

I really like playing music!

In light of the fast approaching holiday... Thanksgiving NOT HALLOWEEN (I'm not particularly fond of Halloween)   I thought I would share just a few things that I am thankful for.

A wonderful God!
PIE
My Family
Silence
Art - Music - WORDS
FALL
Children
COFFEE
Smiles
Music
Coffee
Conversation
ICE CREAM
Friends
Solitude
BOOKS!!
SONGS!! (music)
Language
Sight
The ability to be able to think and create
Hopes
Dreams
And not having to WORRY!
Earth
WORDS
Prayer
Intellect
Warmth when it's chilly and good warm smells when the air is cold on my nose!
Possibility
NPR internet Radio
Jazz in the morning... Regina in the Car, and Classical at Night (MUSIC)
My parents.
My punishments when I was a child... they were certainly clever and I totally appreciate them now
BAGELS @ Broadstreet Café
Blankets
SLeep
The Sun (rising and setting)
History, Philosophy, Literature.WAR & PEACE!!
Water
CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS
FOOD... especially from SPAIN and ITALY!

easter
†
M

DIVERSITY
Humanity
People in general

BOOKS.
books.
BOOKS.

Being assigned a powerpoint presentation on St. Teresa of Avila for my Medieval Spanish Class
The ability to speak
The ability to choose
The ability to wake up in a comfortable bed, eat three meals a day, and learn... and the fact that it is possible to  take those things for granted
My MOTHER.
Our Lady of Guadalupe/ Kibeho/ Lourdes/ Fatima/ Sorrows/ Perpetual Help...ect.
the ability explore and TRAVEL

The ability to LOVE and be LOVED
COLLEGE (even though I complain)
NOVEMBER!!! (it's my favorite month!)
Español
The colors Pink and Green
 Children's Books! Especially Despereaux, The Penderwicks, and Guess How much I love you?

Have a Wonderful Day!!