Goodmorning Thoughts

I love the morning so much!! I was listening to this song and reading Santa Teresa de Ávila. Good stuff. : )








Right now I am sitting here with a cup of coffee, good music, facing the sunrise, drawing and reading a little... this is how life should be.

However, in my stupidity and desire to control the world (which is impossible) I like to PLAN PLAN PLAN how things will go. I am learning to let this go...BUT it is harder than it seems and I've realized of late that I feel a certain elation in being able to cling my own ignorance. I pretend that it is okay but in reality I know there is a better way. AND SO this battle has been waged within my soul and someone will have to die... and like that scene form Princess Bride I'm sure that I can not reason my way out of this and if I did it wouldn't matter anyway because this battle is between myself and I... so either way I must die. TO SELF, it's hard because I know me well and have learned to love myself despite (and for) failings and I guess that is why I'm wailing because although everything can be going so perfectly around me... inside my soul is an angry sea that cannot be calmed by all of the things I enjoy because the battle is between myself and I and one of us will surely die and I'm waiting to see which me I will be in ten years from now... and how stupid anyhow because It doesn't really matter today. It doesn't really matter today. Because, as Teresa reminds me God is the Gardener and when he chooses to water me it will surpass any growth I've been trying to self-cultivate... BUT I AM SO IMPATIENT. I just want to know which way my life will go... and I want to be in control. Obedience and patience were never my favorite things but trust comes from LOVE and LOVE is what I live for so I guess I'll have to let this silent battle go and sip my coffee and just know that TODAY... today I can listen to music and draw and read, sip coffee and breath and NOT WORRY because I WILL BE HAPPY!!!

I will be happy.
I will be happy.
And one day... I will come to a crossroads and on one side I will see a path that will carry me through; a path were I can walk happiest and holiest and THAT is all I have to do. I will wait today. and simply pray.

I WILL BE HAPPY.

Prayer To Accept God's Will
Give me, Lord, the strength and courage to accept Your will at this time of my life, and throughout my life.  You know both what I want and what is best for me.  Help me to recognize Your blessing and presence in all my needs so that my thoughts, words, and actions might reflect my trust in Your wisdom.  Amen.